Mommy Mayday Take Two
Helpful advice from moms to moms, with added insight from a doc.
My 15-month-old daughter has a temper tantrum almost every time we enter a supermarket. I try to go food shopping when she is in a good mood, but it seems to be useless; she becomes miserable as soon as we go in the market. It makes it very difficult to finish shopping.
—Screaming in the Supermarket, Forest Hills, New York
Dear Screaming:
Find a 24-hour supermarket. When your daughter falls asleep, Daddy is on call and you can go food shopping alone. By the way, my 33-year-old husband throws temper tantrums anytime shopping is involved. I am used to shopping with people screaming around me!
—Heather Iocolano, mother of Jack, Bayside, New York
Dear Screaming:
Each time I take my 2-year-old daughter shopping (which I avoid, if I can), I bring a small sandwich bag of Cheerios and let her snack until her heart’s content. This makes us both happy.
—Gina Balsan, mother of Jacqueline Grace, Oceanside,
New York
What the Doctor Says:
What are the tantrums about? Are they a result of being denied something that your child has seen, or perhaps she doesn’t like being strapped into the shopping cart? Is there a similar problem when you enter any other store or is it just the supermarket? Depending on the answers to these questions, we can try to determine the trigger to the episodes. If the supermarket isn’t the only place your child has temper tantrums, how do you handle the episodes in other situations? Until we have more information, your choices are to put up with the tantrums or leave the child with someone when you go shopping.
—Dr. Steven Emmett, pediatrician, Brooklyn, New York
My 1-year-old son still wakes up at least three times during the night. He was always a terrible sleeper, but I thought it would get better as he got a bit older. It hasn’t. I don’t want to make him cry it out, but I am losing my mind.
—Restless in Oceanside, New York
Dear Restless:
If you’ve never tried letting your son cry it out, then what do you have to lose? Sleep is critical for toddlers. If you don’t help your son get the rest he needs, you’ll both be running on empty, which is a recipe for disaster.
—Gina Balsan
Dear Restless:
As hard as it may be, I think you just might have to make your son cry it out. Most kids do not know how to fall back asleep after they wake up, and they look to the person who put them there for help. It is going to become an even bigger strain on your life if you don’t end the problem now. I made my daughters cry it out at 5 months. I could tell you it was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. I held my ears the whole time, and told myself over and over again that it was good for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. The first night is the hardest. The crying will decrease in duration every night until there is no crying at all. I remember so well the first night my daughter went down and slept through the whole night. My husband and I were so proud of ourselves— and so very proud of our daughter. And it is true what they say: Children still love you the next day!
—Josephine Diana, mother of Olivia and Josephine,
Marlboro, New Jersey
What the Doctor Says:
Waking at night is normal in children after a year of age. They frequently get night terrors that cause them to wake. The terrors prompt a child to awake screaming, essentially while still asleep.
Unfortunately your description of your child as “always a terrible sleeper” indicates that you may be paying the price for past inconsistencies. From early on, bedtime rituals should be established. The child should learn to sleep in his own room and in his own crib. Feeding or rocking a child until he falls asleep and then “sneaking” him into his crib does not teach the child the ability to put himself back to sleep when his sleep lightens, as it does for everyone. None of us would go back to sleep if, when we roused during the night, we found ourselves in a strange place.
You are now left with establishing these rituals and setting limits for your child. Start by instituting quiet time right before bed, such as by reading a book with your child. Then the child is put to sleep in his own bed while he is awake and you leave the room. There will be complaining, but you should begin a pattern of desensitization.
There is no easy way to solve this problem, but the earlier you start the better. Once children begin to climb out of the crib, it gets significantly more difficult to coax a good night’s sleep. Getting a child to sleep through the night is an issue of control rather than not being able to sleep well.
—Dr. Steven Emmett
AnnMarie Evola Kallinikos, former editor of PARENTGUIDE, is a full-time wife and mother of two, Michael and Julianna.