"Totes hyster!" 

"Obvi you are being funny!" 

It's true: I am officially old. And one of the many reasons why this is clear to me is that I don’t understand (nor have any desire to understand) the lingo of today's kids. It just irritates me! I am surrounded by people who are "totes cool" (totally cool), including my sweet little children. They're watching too many shows that speak in this abbreviated, text-message manner. I am in graduate school with 23 year olds who “obvi didn’t study for the midterm and yet managed to totes pass.” Awesome! Right, you obviously didn’t study for the midterm, and you managed to totally pass. Did that take so much longer to say? "Totes" about the same, if you ask me. 

I guess every generation has its “thing” that irritates all the “old” people. We used to say things like, “Duh,” “Pysch,” and “Totally.” Yet, way back in the 80s, we managed to get all of our words out and not waste too much of our youth on talking. Could you imagine how much shorter our favorite 80s movies would be if the cast had spoken in text-message lingo? 16 Candles would probably have been 16 long minutes, and The Breakfast Club would probably not even have had any words. 

These days, movie makers might as well just provide us with text message subtitles: "Instructions on how to take care of a Gremlin: These pets are amaze balls. Totes don’t feed after MN (midnight). Obvi keep them dry. Don’t flash lite in eyes. OMG, if they start to get wild, I will be LMAO. Good luck. TTYL."

My son told me the other day that he was “totes hungry," asking, "What time is dinner?” 

"I am not sure what you are trying to tell me," I responded, adding "I speak English and some Italian. If those are not words in those languages, I cannot understand [them]." 

He laughed and said I was a “totes funny mom.” 

I told him if he "toted" one more time, I would tote him to his room to get his dictionary so he could look up the word he meant to say instead of what was coming out of his confused little mouth. 

“Mom, I’m hungry!” he shouted, at which point, I finally understood. 

We are so rushed as a society that we cannot even communicate with each other in complete, cohesive sentences. At this rate, soon we will just be speaking in letters. Unless, we take a deep breath and let all of our sounds, words, and sentences flow out of our mouths like in the good ol’ days.