Patience

Pre-children, if someone asked me if I considered myself patient, I would say, absolutely…especially with children.

Post-children, however, I find that I often lose my patience much more than I would like (though I vow to be more patient each and every day). There are days that I wholeheartedly succeed. And there are those days that I lose my cool within five minutes of waking up. Raising kids is hard. If you don't have days as a mom where you want to just let out an ear-piercing scream, I congratulate you, but I also don't believe you.

This brings me to a recent experience I had at a local department store. The particular store had a snack department. When my son spots one of these, his stomach automatically begins to growl. While I tried to distract him as best I could, it was to no avail. As soon as my son sat down to eat his food, my daughter began to complain. She was in the shopping cart and decided she wanted instead to sit at the table with her older brother.

After a few moments, my daughter slithered off the chair to roam around the snack area. At that point, I stood up in front of our table to enable me to get a better look at where my daughter was…and run to get her if she proceeded to wander too far.

My son saw me stand and said, "No, Mommy stay here. Don't let me sit here alone."

Feeling a bit overwhelmed and annoyed that I let my daughter convince me to get her out of the cart, I turned to my son to say, "Mommy is right here. Relax!"

I admit I wasn't being very kind and considerate to my son, who really didn't do anything wrong. But I was also completely unprepared for the look of utter disgust that a man sitting at a nearby table gave me while he shook his head. I couldn't understand it. It took me by complete surprise. I looked down at my son, who was happily eating his pizza, and thought to myself, "Did I curse at him? Did I raise my voice? Did I crush his ego and leave him scarred?"

My answer to all these questions was no. Though it was not the ideal response, in that moment I was feeling frustrated and my response merely came out. Why is it that people feel the need to judge other people's parenting skills? That man, with just his look, actually left me questioning my value as a parent and my ability to nurture my children with respect and love.

After reflecting on this incident for a few days now, I wish I could see that man again in order to say to him: "I love my kids more than I love anything in this world. And yes, I have moments, sometimes multiple moments in one day, where I might speak to my children in an unnecessary tone of harshness. I also have moments where I don't listen carefully to what my kids are saying. I could read them another book instead of starting dinner, or hold my kids a few minutes longer when they stub a toe. But my children, without a doubt in my mind, know that I love them. Their well-being and happiness is my top priority— always. And although I vow every night to be a better parent the next day, I am also quite certain that I will not always live up to my standards or yours. So, you relax buddy! If you have kids, I hope they know how much you love them the way mine do— not by my words, but by the look in my eyes. And if you don't yet, good luck. I hope that one day when you are having an off day with your kids, there is someone nearby shaking his head at you.