Step Grandparenting

Since my husband and I got married five years ago, we started a tradition for all of our children and grandchildren. We recognized that with the blending of our families we had to mindful of the four sets of parents and grandparents and extended families. My husband and I did not want our kids to stress over choosing where they were going for Thanksgiving. We celebrate with all the kids the first date everyone agrees on after the actual holiday for our Annual Turkey Bowl. This is when we go bowling and everyone makes a dish for a potluck dinner that follows in our home. This year’s theme was comfort food. I think we all are still full from it! It is always so much fun. We bowl the girls against the guys and hold the babies in between turns. Next year we should have two star bowlers, my granddaughter and my step granddaughter, a bonus for the girls’ team… Yahoo! And two more grandchildren will be born and be held. That brings our family to five grandchildren! How thankful am I? Sooo thankful!

This Turkey Bowl, I came to realize that step grandparenting can be tricky. This year my stepson, daughter-in-law and child could not make the event, and I really missed them. My step grandchild was sick as was her daddy. I didn’t even know that she had been sick and felt sad inside that I was still kept at a distance. Yet, I was understanding, realizing that all good things come with time.

In the spirit of feeling thankful, I must say that giving unconditional love is the best thing to grant when you are a stepparent and step grandparent. You cannot rush these relationships. Rather, you can only hope that over time with compassion and sensitivity that you can create a relationship that is special to you and your step grandchild. It’s important to be respectful of whatever your step relatives decide to call you.

In this age of understanding, I hope you all have happy holidays and feel the love. It is all around you.

Sometimes I see my friends struggle with step grandparenting. We all know that it could be that the children might be having difficulty welcoming you, the stepparent, into their lives. They could have unresolved issues from their parents’ divorce or they feel the biological grandparent could be jealous, envious or threatened by you. Besides, it takes great patience and unconditional love to forge a better relationship among the parents and step grandchildren. My plan has been to stay neutral. I have learned through my wise daughter Amy that patience and boundaries work well for everyone. I don’t push my relationships. Hopefully in time the love will be felt by all.

I will treat all my grandchildren and step grandchildren the same as they step through my doors. With love, laughter and of course silliness and little somethings that I had to buy my dear family members while at the store, we can all delight in each other this holiday season and well into the future.