Mother May I?

When I heard the song "Should I Stay or Should I Go" in my head, it made me think that this could be a theme song in Grandma-dom. I wondered how I would have felt if my daughter had told me to leave after the nurse said "Grandma take her right leg?" The word that kept repeating itself in my head was "understanding." I might have been disappointed for a moment, but I totally would have understood that my children wanted to birth without me in the room.

I've discovered that being a grandma is like being a kid again. This means learning to accept no as an answer as well as trusting and respecting "my children" to set limits for me. For example, I was given the most precious gift, my granddaughter. However, I can't always visit with her when I want. For a second I feel sad, and then I realize that the next time I see my granddaughter, it will be that much more special. I understand that my daughter is creating her family boundaries. I must respect and honor her wishes.

My little girl is a mother. She will learn about motherhood and set limits with her family. My role as grandma is to step back and follow her lead. This is a new phase in my life, transitioning from mom, the leader, to grandma, the follower. Do all first time mothers and grandmas struggle with this shift in power? It reminds me of the game I played as kid, Mother May I. I must think about calling my daughter before I stop over to see my granddaughter. I must learn when to step back and let my daughter grow as a mother. I will understand when she tells me "no, today is not a good day to visit."