My First

It should be that my firstborn is all I have been able to think about ever since my ex-husband told me he wants to take our 12 year old to Disney World in January. I haven't taken my sons there because I can't even drive by a sign that says airport without my 11-year-old son saying, "NO AIRPORT!"

My second born, Crew, is autistic. It doesn’t seem likely that he’ll agree to go on a plane anytime soon. I know my ex is planning this trip for all the right reasons. But I want to be the one who takes Cross to Disney, or for that matter anywhere by plane. I want to see the excitement on his face when he embarks on his first plane ride, the smile when he is amazed how big Disney World is. There are many things that we have adapted to since autism entered our lives, and I have always rolled with it. However, this is a hard one. I feel extremely selfish feeling this way, but then most typical families get to do this type of trip all together. Autism took that from me. I know in my head that even if we got through the plane ride (which would NEVER happen), Crew doesn't like amusement parks. And isn't that why you go to Disney, for the amusement parks? My head knows all this; I need my head to explain it to my heart. Autism has brought a lot of different things in my life, some amazing and some unexplainable. Who knows? At the end of this journey Crew could be a pilot taking me to Disney World. Stranger things have happened.