Making Friends
Making friends in school can be challenging for any child. But children with autism face even greater difficulties while learning how to interact with their peers. As I've read: “[Children with autism have to learn what we don't have to learn... They don't have some of the natural, built-in instincts we have to attract people.”
One of the natural instincts children with autism lack is finding social interaction enjoyable. Therefore, it is important for people to make interaction pleasant for children with autism so that they want to be around others more.
I am truly amazed when I pick up Crew from school with his friend Melissa. Crew and Melissa met last year in the 4th grade. Crew had just started to feel comfortable going to chorus. Melissa saw the anxiety Crew had with the whole situation and without judgment took him under her wing. I didn't know what to expect going to the first concert. All I kept thinking was: Could Crew could handle it? Would my son stand still? Could he make it through the whole performance?
As the kids headed for the stage, my heart was in my throat. I looked around to see that all of the other parents had smiles on their faces, waiting for their child to shine. I felt like this was a make-or-break moment for Crew, who would be performing with all typical kids despite his disabilities. All the kids took their places, and the music and singing began. Crew was not singing. I had a knot in my throat trying not to cry. Then, out of nowhere, I saw a young, beautiful girl grab Crew's hand. As she looked at him and sang, Crew started to sing. Every time during the concert if Crew would gaze off, she would bring him right back. I tried with many words to thank Melissa that night, explaining what an achievement this was for Crew and our family. She said it was nothing, “Crew is my friend.”
Crew had a big transition this year starting middle school. However, Melissa was there for him every single day. She sat with him at lunch and continued to stand next to him in chorus, once again being a true friend.
Like I said in the beginning, autistic children do not find social interaction enjoyable and it is important to make them want to be around others. Leave it up to amazing 10-year-old Melissa to perpetually understand Crew's disability, never excepting anything in return.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"
Dory on November 01, 2010
What a wonderful girl!
Howard Ackerman on November 02, 2010
Melissa is my granddaughter and I was there at that concert.
I can't put into words how proud I am of her.
She does what comes naturally to her. We can all learn from our kids.
Denise, Crew's Grandma on November 02, 2010
I attended that concert......and watched two friends sing and make their families so proud.
Laura, Melissa's Mom on November 13, 2010
I cried throughout that whole chorus concert. Melissa was so happy. Crew seemed so at ease with her standing by his side and I thought I must be doing something right. Melissa started to talk about Crew from the 1st day of the 4th grade. I didn't get it then. I didn't know that this friendship she had initiated would not only be a friendship between her and Crew but between our families, a friendship that will last a lifetime. They are very rare to find and we are blessed when we have them. When I asked Melissa what she said to Crew to keep him focused, she said she just kept telling him how proud his mom is of him and that he is making her so happy. Crew was singing for his Mom. Crew has been able to overcome so many challenges because of the love and dedication of this wonderful family. It is Crews' presence in Melissa's life that I am grateful for. It has shown her the best example of how a supportive loving family can overcome the adversities life can throw our way. It has taught her patience beyond what I could ever teach her. It has taught her to be grateful for the ability to do the simple things we all take for granted. It has taught her that even though some days may not be as good as others, there are no goodbyes. Melissa and Crew will always be friends. This may be the greatest lesson of all.