Just Breathe

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. True enough, but it sure doesn't feel that way when you're going through a rocky patch. Fortunately, resilience isn't just a trait some people are blessed with; it's a skill that can be learned and practiced.

I have practiced resiliency a lot lately. It has not been an easy week for Crew at school. Every time we think we are going forward, something changes (what that is, I don't know) and we go backwards.

As I was getting Crew from school yesterday, I was told his day was not that great and the song “Breathe” by Anna Nalick came on the radio. This has been a theme song of mine since Crew was diagnosed. I turned up the song and started singing out loud, drowning Crew saying “library” over and over (of course the library was closed that day). The words were screaming out of me: “There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout ‘cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out…oh breathe, just breathe.”

Meanwhile, my older son Cross and his friend Larry are asking me why I like this song and why I keep turning it up. After missing a couple of verses, I continue on singing: “But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button now, sing it if you understand… and breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe, just breathe.”

I explained to the boys, I sing when things are not going well with Crew. When you have a child with special needs, you have one place and no one to blame the child's bad day on. If Crew has a bad day at school, whose fault is it? Mine? The teacher's? Crew's? Crew is not able to tell me right now. He tries to use his communication device and can tell me, “Mad. Bad sorry,” but not why a bad day happened. So for now I just breathe.