Getting the Diagnosis

Everyone has a traumatic memory of receiving the diagnosis. It is the beginning of an intense personal struggle to come to grips with the idea that your child is imperfect— a process that can shake a family to its foundation. At first there's a vast reluctance to admit that autism is the “real” diagnosis.

Admitting your child “simply has autism” (as opposed to the milder and glamorous Asperger's syndrome) is similar to introducing yourself at an AA meeting with, “Hi, I'm ___________, and I'm an alcoholic.” There was a moment when I couldn't get the word, autism out of my mouth. I used to eat myself alive about how much money or time I was spending with my son Crew. You know if you spend 24 hours a day with your child, drawing him out of his inwardness, you're going to make a difference. Ninety percent of my self-torture has come from not doing floor time with Crew because I am making dinner. I've spent most evenings on the floor of my kitchen in tears. There's never enough to do. Ever.

It's like that old story, if a car fell on your child, you'd become superhuman so you could lift the car off of your child. And now you can't, and everyone is sitting on the car trying to hold it down. Pretty soon you realize the car is on top of you.

I write this because we have to stop feeling guilty for every dinner we go out to, or for taking the alone time we need. If there's anything that I have learned along this journey of raising a child with autism, it's that if I stay healthy and happy everyone will. Use your friends and family for help; you will need it.

I'll close with this quote by Ann Landers: “When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate.”

Head to www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/westchesterfairfield to sign up for Team Crew's Voice. Let's find a cure together.