Beating the Statistics

I am the statistic! Here's some background my life, highlighting the deadly combo of autism and divorce, starting over and finding a new beginning for my boys.

My son Crew was diagnosed with autism at 2 years old. At the time, my husband and I went through the grieving process supporting each other. We went through the emotions of losing what we thought a child should be like, and were getting to know the child we had now. We promised one another that we would to anything to help Crew be the best of what he could become. But all along, my husband eyes revealed that he believed his son was damaged.

Taking the next step, we (I should say I) researched everything. I looked into neurologists, audiologists, behaviorists and homeopathic therapists. Poked and prodded, Crew was soon signed up for every research study from Massachusetts to New Jersey. I would have looked even farther if Crew would go on a plane. With this busy schedule, I think my husband forgot we were even married anymore.

Now came the confrontation, the moment of truth. The time when my husband and I sat down to see who was truly in this for the long haul. My husband explained that I was in denial. I had to realize Crew had autism. Then my husband said the words I will never forgive or ever forget: “Christy, he is what he is. Stop trying to make him better. Accept his abilities for what they are now.”

My husband told me that when Crew got older and needed more support, we could find a place for him. Through the hyperventilating, all I could hear was, “Stop what you're doing or you're in this alone.”

Crew was only age 4 at the time. How do you look in a 4-year-old's face and give up? My husband was mad because I wanted to try another therapy for Crew. I said, “I don't care if I have to live in a cardboard box.” We were in debt up to our ears. We would have to mortgage our house if we wanted to try to live up to what Jenny McCarthy has supposedly done for her child. I didn't care. The simple fact is that not all autistic kids can “recover.” However, we need to give these kids an opportunity to have a shot at meaningful jobs and secondary education. Maybe Crew will be bagging groceries, but he'll be paying taxes and be a law-abiding citizen.

Now five years later and divorced and remarried, I am proud of Crew. I love him and I love the autism in him. I'm going to help my son be the most functional adult that I can. Yet, I love him exactly the way he is. Every family needs to hear that it is not an easy road, but their child, despite the diagnosis, is worth every ounce of the investment because the triumph is possible.

I will tell you that my angel on earth, the one I could not do all of this without, is Crew's stepfather Jim. Oh, sure we bicker as any couple might. But there is a warmth, love and determination from Jim that is rare. He is my rock and Crew's best friend.