Millions of children across the world experience the stress of divorce every year. Their reaction is dependent on their personality, age and circumstances which led to their parent’s separation. Every divorce affects children in one way or another.
In most cases, the first reaction is usually shock, anger, frustration, worry and sadness. However, children can come out of the divorce better in every single way. They can manage stress easily and tolerate other people.
According to Aussiessay.com, parents can reduce the effects of separation and divorce on their children by avoiding heated debates and conflicts in front of their kids, reducing the rate of disruptions in the child’s life, involving themselves in the child’s life and eliminating blame and negativity at home.
Adults who want to divorce need to be supported by their family, friends, clergy and professionals. The worst thing you can do is to seek support from your child even if he or she wants you.
Informing your kids
Once you are certain of the divorce, it’s time to talk to your kids about the decision you’ve made. With this subject, there is no easy way to break the news. If possible, both parents should be present during this meeting.
It’s important for both parents to leave out negative feelings such as anger, jealousy or guilt. You can consider practicing how you are going to break the news to your kids so that they don’t end up angry or frustrated during the meeting.
The discussion should be suit the child’s age and temperament. You should never forget to remind the child that what happened between the two of you is not his or her fault. Most children tend to start feeling guilty even if they are not the ones to blame. It’s very important for parents to say this to their children.
Provide your children with enough information about any changes that may happen in future. During this time, it’s important to be totally honest with them. You don’t have to tell your kids everything about your divorce. You only have to tell them the things that will affect their daily routine. The younger the child, the simpler your message should be.
Handling the reaction
If your child gets upset, tell him or her that you care how he or she feels. Reassure him or her that it is perfect to have such feelings and you are there for him or her. Not every child will react the same way.
As Australian Writings reports, some children will act like everything is fine so that they can please their parents. Others will cover up and deny their feelings. Being honest especially with children is not the easiest thing in the world. However, preparing your child early enough is the best thing you can do for him or her.
Helping your child
Most kids will miss the presence of both parents and the family they once had. It’s natural for kids to hope that their parents will get back together one day even after explaining things to them clearly. Mourning is normal. After some time, your children will accept the reality. One of the best ways to help your child is to encourage honesty.
Children are aware of their feelings. It’s important for both parents to take their emotions seriously. Also, offering support when you can will definitely relieve the pain. You can ask your child what he or she wants to feel better. He or she can suggest going for a walk, calling daddy or mommy or playing with a pet.
Consistency is very important when it comes to creating a familiar environment and comforting your child. During this period, it is best to minimize disruptions and unpredictable schedules. Children will feel better seeing both parents from time to time.
Regardless of how inconvenient it might be to you; you should allow your ex-spouse to see your children. 123helpme recommends that you should also be on the lookout for any changes in behavior. Your child may start wetting his or her bed or sucking fingers. This is mainly caused by anxiety and sadness. Older children may start engaging in risky behaviors such as abusing drugs, being defiant and skipping school.
Fight away from the kids
As human beings, it’s normal to disagree from time to time. However, you should avoid arguing in front of your children as much as possible. Unresolved conflicts might lead to fighting, screaming and violence. And this will definitely have a negative impact on the child’s life. You should always aim to set a good example especially during divorce.
Adjusting to reality
Since divorce is a big issue, adjusting living arrangements should be done gradually. Whatever the living arrangements you choose, the needs of the child should be prioritized. Velvet jobs reports that you should discuss how you’ll be handling holidays, vacations and birthdays so that the child doesn’t feel left out.
Parenting during divorce
It’s important for both parents to work together to maintain discipline in the household. Although you can’t force your ex-partner to follow the rules that apply to your house, it’s important to inform him or her about bedtime rules and homework to name a few to avoid confusing the child. Remember, your child needs you. Buying him or her expensive stuff will not replace love.
Divorce is one of the worst things that can happen to a family. It’s important for spouses to seek support before thinking of divorce. However, if the decision cannot be changed, the steps discussed above will help you do the right thing every time out.